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Thursday, September 6th, 2007
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Courtly love is over people.
1300's…
Love was not even in question with marriage.
It was all status.
If there was love, it was in secret, it was illicit, and ended up in adultery. The unattainable was where love was found. The Knight being tempted by the Lady... she swoons after a forbidden feeling. She gives him a secret token to show her affections...and they lived in secrecy. It's been said that love was found outside of marriage.
Strange, hmm?
This is all bogus to me, and in a sense I'm thankful I live in the age I do.
However,
I find that not tooooo much has change.
People are still marrying for status! Whether, it's for money, fame, religion, fortune, or to gain something in the end.
If you're one that can marry for comfort… protection…Good for you.
But for the love of god, Allah, or whatever...please do not have children.
The worst thing you could do is bring a child into a loveless marriage.
Because most of the time(excluding the rare marriages where both have an agreement to love their children, even if they don't love each other) the child is neglected, pulled through a divorce, and in conclusion.....fucked up, with a skewed vision of what love is.
Then! Then, then, then...
The offspring repeats this damn vicious cycle.
and we just aren't getting anywhere...
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Dear Rachel,
You suck. You totally could of taken advantage of the situation, and you didnt.
why do I even waste my time on you.
you silly, lanky ass white girl
go to bed,
Luda.
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Monday, February 5th, 2007
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blarg...i drink way too much coffee
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Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
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This one..
Its cruel. and brutal. its beauty only comes in bursts.
I am good.
but I have done too many bad things..
or..no..no good or bad, right?
just choices.
some choices leave you in the dirt, wet from the spit of your peers...
I have yet to remove the heavy spit.
I need a good reminder for this one..
this was a blow below the belt.
and I am sorry for that.
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Sunday, January 7th, 2007
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Oh how we love to suffer.
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Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
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I need to write in this more. Just cause it makes me feel better.
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Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
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I dont sleep.
I dream.
The difference is huge.
I wake up exhausted.
i have heard the song "Strange Magic" by ELO four times today.
once in my dreams.
strange...
magic!
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Sunday, November 12th, 2006
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| Time: | 8:42 pm. |
| Music: | the bee gees. |
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The sad...like when a kitty gets ran over.
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Friday, September 1st, 2006
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...veek.
Whenever I'm tempted to write in here, an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia kicks in.
This is probably due to the fact that I've had this journal since I was a sophomore in High School. I don't remember high school really... a haze of images usually flash through my head..
Sadly I don't have anything profound to say about High School. It was stupid.
Let's see.... My point initially was:
It's getting harder to write in this damn mess of a diary. Theres really nothing left to say...at least in here.
I don't need to contact some high school boyfriend on it.
No drama nonsense to brew and write about.
I don't write Nine Inch Nail-ish lyrics in here anymore.
And I don't have anything to prove.
I feel like I've kinda grown up. It's a very satisfying taste thats been left in my mouth.
I suggest looking back at your old entries. Its very embarrassing.
Guess you did some good.
Thanks Livejournal!
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(trying to enjoy this public writing..humor me)
It came to my attention yesterday that our society likes to
blame the destruction of our country on anything and anyone else but themselves.
We are just fucking eating it up...
And jesus christ, are we getting huge.
Massive.
And I know in a small way or another, I add to this destruction.
Let it be my car, my smoking habit, my littering habit....
Even the emotional destruction to my fellow man...I'm very guilty of that for sure.
No one sits down anymore.
We're all runners.
If sitting is too extreme for you, at least stroll on by.
Stop and smell those smelly flowers.
Stop trying to be content by achieving a certain goal that supposedly will
better yourself. Stop running around with your head cut off. Stop trying to impress your friends.
Impress your parents...yourself.
If I could just except the fact that I will never be content...well then theres no worries.
We will always be striving for something new and better. Its such a blinded race.
Am I talking crazy? Right out of my ass?
Am I a hypocrite?
...possibly.
But at least I know it.
slow down please.
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I dont enjoy writing in here anymore.
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About two years ago, I went on a vacation to Hawaii with an old friend.
A month before we went, I developed a virus called Pityriasis Rosea. It made these itchy dry rash spots ALLLLLL over me. They cracked, itched, and were very painful. From my legs up to my neck
The doctors said its so rare that they dont know the cause or cure(been told its due to high stress)
It stayed with me for two months...and the scars didnt leave till months later as well. I had to take my ass to hawaii with this awful thing.
I have pictures, but its too embarrassing. Just look it up online. its sick
ANYWAYS.
The point is...they said theres a rare occurance that you can get it again.
Well..my luck, god dammit.
I see little spots showing up and I am not happy.
And ive been nothing but a stress ball.
So God damn pityriasis rosea!!!
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Thursday, April 13th, 2006
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My lucid dreaming is always a plus. Im able to usually do what I want and leave the dream when I want.
But I cant control what the other people do in my dreams. Example:
My dream as of this morning:
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I fail at love.
I am the most cowardly ostrich...my head in the sand.
no..
I AM the sand that I hide in.
I am the cover up of all mistakes.
A mess would be an understatement.
Life is still beautiful. I do know this.
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Thursday, March 16th, 2006
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I love big league chew...
and Animal Collective live.
Phew.
God love those skinny white kids.
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Just found out my car is dead for good..
this means im buying myself a nice bike.
....not so bad.
cars are stoopid anyways.
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Saturday, March 4th, 2006
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| Time: | 1:35 pm. |
| Mood: |  chipper. | | Music: | Final Fight. |
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My goal lately is to play music with as many people possible.
Jay and I got a show on St. Pattys day in tucson. That should be an experience.
Velde and I are playing weekly at Coffee Talk on Wed open mic nights. Its wonderful.
ANd of course I am always writing and creating my own music. Piano has been the focus lately at home.
Hopefully im getting a new violin with a pick up...sweeeett.
Lifes good. Cant complain.
people are starving and such.
and much worse im sure.
Oh yeah. Im 21 on the 9th. Wooooooo.
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Monday, February 6th, 2006
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youre all a bunch of donkeys.
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Sunday, February 5th, 2006
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The Super Bowl is not some religious holiday.
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blindedhope's journal
angry.
dirty.
crappy.
crazy.
cold.
confused.